Scientists say they are getting closer to a lasting flu vaccine, according to the New York Times. Imagine a healthy family all winter long. But if scientists really want to impress me, how about creating a vaccine I could really use?
1. Short Attention Span. Ask your kid to put on her clothes. She starts to and then notices her Barbie. Her Barbie needs her hair brushed. She walks to the basement to get the hairbrush. Your daughter’s glitter nail polish catches her eye. She decides to paint her nails. She opens the polish and spills it on the carpet. She goes to the kitchen to clean up the polish. You remind her, once again, to put on her clothes. She does but forgets about the nail polish until you discover it later that day.
2. The Word “No.” Of course, I wouldn’t be inoculated for saying the word no. But I sure would love to stop my kids from saying no to the things I ask them to do. Imagine your pure joy when all they can say is “yes.” Wash your face. Get ready for dinner. Time for bath. Go to bed. Clean up your room. Do your homework. Just thinking about it gives me a permagrin.
3. Last-Minute Projects. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a vaccine against your kids forgetting their homework and suddenly announcing a project they were supposed to do that week that’s due tomorrow morning? Yeah. Your forgetfulness doesn’t make it my emergency, Bub! And yet (roll eyes here), we manage to help them get that *bleeping* project completed.
4. Stupidity. Yep, plain old stupidity. Or as my father refers to it — teenage brain: a window of time when a kid is old enough to have the freedom to make some of their own decisions but the inability to actually think about the repercussions of those actions. A teenage boy in the neighborhood was playing basketball with his buddies. It didn’t take long for them to decide it would be really cool to jump off the car to dunk the ball. Before someone could stop the teenage brain scenario, the kid jumped from the roof of the car right onto the windshield and put his foot right through the glass. He’s fine, minus some serious stitches. But trust me, his parents are still recuperating from this teenage brain moment.
5. The Common Cold. What is it with husbands and the commons cold? One sniffle and these men are down for the count and out of household duties for the week. Meanwhile, we mothers can run a 103 fever, have three hours sleep and still manage to get the kids fed and dressed for school. I’d like a vaccine for the common cold to not only eradicate colds from our kids but throw out the excuse for laying on the couch and letting out a constant, low moan. (Men: Don’t even pretend you are offended. You know it’s true, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourselves. Don’t believe me? Do ask your wives.)
Mouth Off: Come on! Tell me what you would like to inoculate your kids against.